On Turning 30

Today is my 30th birthday. I've officially or unofficially transitioned from young adulthood into the seemingly nondescript decade that is my 30s. According to modern wisdom, I'm no longer a kid. I'm supposedly wiser, more confident, more resilient, more educated, and showing more signs of wear than my 20-something counterpart.

By now, I should be investing in my future through monthly 401k contributions, have life insurance, be building up savings, buying a home, and settling down. I should also focus on my health and wellness, and try to get in the best shape of my life. At least from the handful of articles I've read and countless others that I see on the internet, these are some of the things I should have started by the time I turned 30 and be pursuing well into my 30s.

This is the decade to "excel at business", "quit bad habits", and "take charge of my life", thanks to my Google search on what it means to turn 30.

All of these ideas sound nice, and important, and are more or less true for me. And yet, all these things fall short in describing who I am, where I am going, and where I find purpose in my life. There has to be more to turning 30, I think to myself.

It's a little past 7 a.m. this birthday morning, as I sit down to ponder all the revelations I had hoped would suddenly come upon me when I turned 30 today. I couldn't fall back sleep after nursing baby Ruby, and decided that rather than lying in bed awake, I'd enjoy the quiet time to write. Also, Ken has been fighting a virus, and I figured that rather than waking him up to eat birthday breakfast with me (which I considered), it'd be best to let him sleep. Poor guy is pretty sick. So, I tip-toed out of the bedroom, threw on my fluffy pink-bowed robe and in considering whether to fire up the wood stove, decided instead to light the beautiful (and intoxicating) apple currant jam candle that my best friend sent me for my birthday. Less hassle and more cozy-scrumptious pleasure to get me through the delayed breakfast.

I guess, in writing out my thoughts, I am curious what it really means to turn 30? Why does this age get such a bad rap? Throughout adolescence, I'd hear 30 years old referred to in a pronouncedly negative way. As if life was "all downhill after 29". During childhood, my biggest goal was to become an adult, because adults seemed to have way more fun than kids. They didn't get reprimanded or punished (I thought) and could travel anywhere around the world and eat lots of treats and didn't have a bedtime and were big enough to drive cars. Oh, to be a kid again, with my huge imagination...But somehow, I think that I feared turning 30, because even adults were scared of that.

All this time, turning 30 has had a sort of build-up in my mind to a season of uncertainty. And every year, for the past few years, turning 30 became the 'elephant in the room', when friends or coworkers would learn how close I was to the next decade. Like death was knocking at the door. Everyone heard the knock, but no one wanted to answer or give me advice on what to say when I answered the door.

You can imagine, then, how I must've been feeling as I approached my birthday this year: Apprehensive? Concerned? Curious?

Yes, yes, and yes.

Happily, I can report to you that I made the leap successfully. I'm now 30 and feel just as much of my youthful self as I did last night. Actually, I feel just as tired as I normally do from raising a rambunctious six-month-old who doesn't sleep through the night as of yet. Turning 30, surprisingly, feels great. I feel accomplished, and loved. This past decade has brought incredible changes for me. I graduated from college, moved to a big city on my own, got married, traveled throughout Europe, moved again, got a dog, bought our first house, and most recently, gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby girl.

You can read about some of these things here:
Europe: The First Few Days
Switzerland: Where Narnia and Heaven Meet
A Chocolate Croissant & Overcoming Setbacks
The Alcan: Our Journey to Alaska from Seattle via Alberta

Discovering Home: Thoughts on Visiting Maui & Buying a House in Alaska
Baby Ruby: My Birth Story
On How We Met & 5 Things I've Learned About Marriage

God blessed me in miraculous ways this past decade, particularly with all the memories Ken and I have made together. We got to most of the things I'd written out as goals on my bucket list for places to see and things to do. I'm realizing that by the time I turned 30, I checked off so many things on my list, that it's about time to start a new goals list.

Yet, what stands out to me most in reflecting on the past 30 years, goes deeper still than the beautiful places I've seen and experiences I've enjoyed (as well as the photos and trinkets and accolades). It is something richer, and more satisfying, and more life-giving.

What I feel most honored and humbled by - is how God showed up in my life all these years. So often, God made a way when it seemed like there was no way humanly possible for something to work. He provided me with friends and community, to walk alongside me during difficult times. He blessed me with divine appointments - people, opportunities, gifts, at just the right time when they were needed most. God spoke life into the darkest corners of my life, where I had allowed grief, pain, and bitterness to eat away at my joy. He showed me that in Him, there is life and hope far more satisfying than anything this world (and all its goodies) can provide.

During my twenties, God gave me this verse, which reminded me of his hope, health and restoration, as I worked through my own brokenness: "I will restore to you the years that the locust has eaten," Joel 2:25. Despite endless attempts at trying to 'fix myself' on my own, Christ keeps showing me how much he loves me in the midst of my brokenness. His love has changed me, and continues to change me. Praise God.

Now, as I embark upon a new decade, I hear God whispering the words of Jeremiah 42:10: "I will build you up and not tear you down; I will plant you and not uproot you." This verse has stood out to me ever since I first read it on my cousin's wedding invitation, back in 2011. God has molded my perception of what it means to "settle down" and "take root". Home is the gift of sharing life with Ken and now Ruby. Wherever God takes us in the days and years ahead, I am confident that He will build us up and root us in Him.

Cheers to being 30!

Me at 1 yrs old:

And now at 30 yrs old: