I'm silently chewing on bites of a hot mini-quiche and sipping (more like chugging) my home-brewed latte, thanks to our workhorse Mokapot Ken purchased years ago, while baby girl sleeps contentedly in the nursery. Each lift of my mug, followed by its quick and gentle return to the table is thought-out, my body moving with robotic poise, as I carefully try not to wake my little one. Just outside, the lovely morning glow turns dark gray, as I watch storm clouds overtake the sky through our dining room window. The thought, "Desperate times call for desperate measures," comes to mind, and I laugh quietly, as I reflect on the past year and how, nearly 12 months into this whole 'parenting thing', I'm feeling more like myself again, and less like a crazy-sleep-deprived-mother hen. Thankfully, it's not that sense of desperation or overwhelm that I experienced in the first few months. Or was it the past year? Things are changing and getting more manageable - in certain ways. For instance, I'm sleeping more regularly, which translates to at least 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night (sometimes more, sometimes less, but mostly that). Ruby still nurses once or twice at night, and yet I can see how she's moving in the direction of needing that less and less for sustenance and more for comfort - to know that I'm there for her, and that her world is a safe place. I now get up at a regular hour each morning, fix breakfast, and often dress myself in day clothes. I exercise a few times a week, and run errands. I get outside a lot, and am so thankful for the more moderate climate of the inland northwest; it's a great motivator to get active. Ruby and I meet my amazing new mom friends throughout the week, and enjoy playtime with their kids. We are both growing up in a lot of ways - baby girl and I, growing more confident and assured in our strengths, and increasingly aware of our weaknesses and how to work with them.
Over the past couple months, Ruby has learned how to walk and now tries to run. She took her first steps on Friday, Feb. 12th (!!!) a couple hours before my best friend Sherilyn and her husband arrived from Canada. I can picture it with precision. Ruby had been trying to walk unsupported for weeks - tumbling down as fast as she stood up. But she persisted! Each day, I could see her learning and adjusting her movements, trying to figure it out. I'm so proud of our little girl. Along with walking, Ruby loves to climb up onto toys, our giant bean bag chair, and even up into the car seat, so she can teeter back and forth like a see-saw. (I have to watch her carefully or she'll typically fall over.) She is strong and confident, and I can see her personality developing. Her giggle lights up the room, and she can make "friends" with strangers anywhere we go. She is a joyful child, who likes to explore and learn about the world around her.
Currently, baby girl's favorite foods are blackberries, yogurt, broccoli, aged sharp cheddar, shredded chicken, and turkey. She loves all types of berries that she's tried, but always squeals in the grocery store when I reach for blackberries. They're her favorite. For her upcoming birthday, I considered asking friends if, instead of typical birthday presents, they could gift Ruby with cartons of blackberries. It's been harder for me to keep our supply on par with the demand lately... ;)
Ruby has become an avid reader. Often, I find her seated comfortably in various corners of the house with a good book and a cup of tea. (I'm kidding about the tea.) She loves to read to herself when I'm preoccupied. She'll hold up a book in the air and go through the pages, mumbling, "Ah-googo-ga-go, Ga-ga-boo." It's pretty cute, and melts my heart. I try to be intentional about reading to her each day. I'd say that her favorite books are "Peek-A-Zoo" and "Mr. Brown Can Moo! Can You?" and "Tails," mainly because those are the books she brings to me on a consistent basis. "Peek-A-Zoo" also has a half-eaten cover, which is a good indicator that Ruby likes it.
As a child, I loved how my mom read to me. It was a special treat, hearing her read me stories, and something I hope to foster with my children. I'm a believer in the power of words (spoken and written word), and can see how reading opened up new worlds for me as child. Books allowed me to process feelings and emotions and desires that I didn't understand or know how to talk about. They helped me learn how to empathize, gave me vision and a sense of freedom, and taught me that I could rise above pain and circumstances, in faith and hope.
In considering what to give Ruby for her 1st birthday, I think I'll keep it simple. Blackberries and a new book. As I've gathered over the years, from growing up on very limited means to now being more financially able, having more doesn't always mean having more and having less doesn't always mean having less. Ruby is turning one in only a few short days, and I hope that this birthday and in all the birthdays to come, that she is able to glimpse how incredibly blessed she is - no matter what she's given or has. She is loved, and adored. This beautiful, wonderful, incredible child that God blessed Ken and me with just one year ago. I praise God for you, Ruby.
12 months, here we come!
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