A Bowl of Vegetable Soup: Today's Journal Entry

Steam rises from the glossy red ceramic dish that holds my hearty vegetable soup. My lips immediately register the warmth of the liquid. Delighted by the savory flavor, my tongue picks up the distinguishing flavor of each vegetable—mushrooms, carrots, green beans, onions, celery. Their unique flavors are rich, unencumbered by the addition of salts and spices. A few bites later, I decide on a sprinkle of salt and pepper, but this soup is perfect in its simplicity. No added meat, no pasta, no exotic flavors. This moment with my soup reminds me to step back from an already-hectic day and relax. To take each day one step at a time, and perhaps one moment at a time. To revel in the simpler things.

This morning I found myself becoming increasingly frustrated. I shed not just a few tears on account of conflict I’m facing—internally and externally. On days like this, I’m more sensitive to God’s calling on my life to be a person who is honest, vulnerable and open about my weaknesses. Not to hide behind the false illusion that “I have it all together just fine”. I don’t. I’m a broken person, in need of a Savior. I’d be wrong if I said otherwise. In the midst of this proclamation, I am thankful that God came to redeem me, to save me, to show me life in its most abundant form. That’s my prayer this morning, that God would open my eyes to His abundance in this season.

These past couple weeks I’ve felt scared, triggered by my past, and uncertain about the future. In the next six months, Ken and I face huge decisions about where we’ll live and what job he’ll work. Our discussions center on the importance of calling, community, Christ’s freedom and personal desires. As of January 17th, we are more uncertain about where we’ll be living than we have been up to this point. Will we stay here in Seattle? Will we move to California—if so, where? Should we move near family—if so, who? What is God calling us to? I suppose these “bigger” questions are often overshadowed by the one question of where Ken will get hired. Work opportunities could dictate most everything. So where is God in all this? Honestly, I don’t hear His voice weighing in on the discussion. I wonder if this season will be like a story from the book of Joshua, where we wrestle with God and live in the tension of the unknown, persevering in faith for the hope of His blessing.

God, we want your blessing, and we’ll wait for it.

In the meantime, please keep my eyes fixed on You, especially on days like this, where I feel bombarded by difficult people, uncomfortable situations and my own desire to know what’s going to happen next…

Remind me, Lord, to breathe deeply and chew slowly, savoring each moment for what it’s worth.