My Journey in Blogging

6 years ago, that's roughly the amount of time I've been blogging. It all started with this blog, named "That One Girl." Back when mustard yellow was my favorite color, and my hair was the likely the longest it's ever been, and just a few months after I had met Ken, the boy who I was falling in love with and would later marry - that's when I began writing online journal entries on a more consistent basis. I was still in my early 20s and creating dance videos with my friends and sisters. (Remnants of that era can be found on youtube, although Lord-willing, those videos are hard to locate.)

I was young and naive. Although I had traveled internationally twice by the time I was 16, I was still unfamiliar with living on my own aside from college. The year I began blogging more frequently, I moved from Maui to Seattle with my cousin Isaac. Together we shared a 450 square-foot apartment and nearly killed each other. We fought like siblings and conversely, enjoyed the stability and safety net of having a friend and family member close by as we both got used to living in the city. Isaac and I spent those warm September days biking around Seattle, enjoying steaming-hot gyros and fresh donuts at Pike Place Market. It was my first "Indian Summer," and a welcome transition into big-city living. I can still smell the pungent aroma of fresh peonies and dahlias in neighborhood gardens, and hear the giant cranes lifting building materials at the construction sites near our apartment. Everything seemed radiant and alive. I loved the energy of the city and being able to walk right downtown. Puget Sound is beautiful, and helped keep me grounded during those long, winter days. Its vastness reminded me of living near the Pacific Ocean, during my childhood and in college.

In January 2010, Ken moved to Seattle after completing his time in Iraq. We got married and nearly a year and a half later, I started this blog, "Lettuce Give Thanks" as a platform for giving thanks by sharing stories and recipes. I feel like I've grown so much as a writer and a cook these past few years. Likewise, this year Ken and I will greet our first child, a baby girl, in March and celebrate our 5th anniversary in August. We now live in The Last Frontier, which looks quite different than the bustling city where we spent our newlywed years. I'm so grateful for where God has brought us, individually and as a couple, as we continue to seek after His heart. My prayer is that our stories will be a blessing and a continued way for us to give thanks for all that God has done and is doing.

In the words of C.S. Lewis, one of my favorite authors, "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."

Mile Marker: 22 Weeks & Counting!

Today marks Week 22 for me! With only 18 weeks remaining until my expected due date (roughly 4 1/2 months), I'm more than halfway through pregnancy. Praise God for this marvelous event taking place before my eyes! My belly is growing fast, which is a tangible representation of the baby forming even quicker inside of me. Our baby girl is now roughly the size of a spaghetti squash, weighs about one pound and is 8 inches long, according to my go-to baby book, What to Expect When You're Expecting. 

Here, Ken holds a spaghetti squash we got from the grocer recently. We both agree that baby girl is most likely not this big...

She is developing her sense of touch in utero, along with her ability to distinguish between light and dark. Baby girl can also hear my voice now, along with my heartbeat, my constant stomach growls, and the sound of blood swooshing through my body. Crazy, right? I'm amazed and astounded at the incredible beauty of new life as it grows and develops in my belly. She is a live being - a picture of a Creative Force at work in me and the world around me. 

Honestly, I'm blown away by this whole process.

My body is going through many changes right now. Besides the typical increase in swelling and inflammation in my body from pregnancy, my feet seem to be 1/4 inch bigger! All my cute heels, pumps and wedges that were a 'perfect fit' a few months ago, now feel a bit snug. While I ditched my favorite form-fitting, bodycon work dresses weeks back - which seemed normal - I can't get over the need to start wearing bigger shoes. But, for baby girl, I'll do it! I'm becoming more relaxed with myself when it comes to changing shapes and sizes, and I want to continue to embrace this new season in all of its intricacies.

I've also received quite a few remarks about the new ring I'm sporting on my wedding finger! Coworkers, along with random people I meet while out running errands, stop to ask me about my cushion-cut aquamarine 'bling'. Thankfully, I have this white gold stand-in that Ken gave me for our anniversary to take the place of my preferred yellow gold diamond wedding band, while my fingers are larger than ever from swelling. Although I like this new ring a lot, I feel so weird without the ring I've worn for these past four and a half years. I look forward to switching back to my primary ring after baby arrives.

These days, my focus is shifting from "What can I wear?" to "What will baby girl wear?" As a special present to myself, I decided that once we found out the baby's gender, I'd buy a few little outfits for her/him. Which, I should add, was ridiculously fun. My mother-in-law and a couple coworkers blessed me with a few baby outfits, and then I picked out a couple sale items at my favorite stores in town. I'd love to share those with you! I'm finding that I really like soft fabrics, sweet details (like ruffles), and standout prints - case in point: the baby pink whales, flowers, foxes, and popsicles you'll see below.

What do you think?

     

God continues to reveal His grace for me, as I learn and grow in this season. I'm so excited for the unique blessing of becoming a mom, and pray that these next 4 1/2 months will continue to go smoothly, as I practice love for myself and care for this baby developing in my body.

Thanks for sharing in this journey with me, and Ken, and baby girl.

~ m

K + M + Baby

We're having a baby!!!

Wow. What an adventure these past few months have been. To update readers, Ken and I announced a few weeks ago that we're having a baby! Baby Crewdson is growing quickly and my current due date is right around Easter 2015. 

Today, I officially hit 18 weeks in my second trimester of pregnancy. That means I'm completely over the hump of morning-noon-night sickness (cue applause) and enjoying an increase in energy, which means less midday naps and more motivation to hit the gym. Ken and I, along with Penny (our border collie mix), are excited to welcome the baby home in just a few short months. At my doctor's visit yesterday, the nurse practitioner said that the baby's heartbeat is 150 beats per minute and going strong. 

Our baby is about the size of a bell pepper and 5 1/2 inches long. Ken and I are tracking its growth on our DIY chalkboard, which Ken made for me using a thrift store picture frame, which cost roughly $3-4 and chalkboard spray paint we found at JoAnn's Fabric Store for $4. Originally, I planned to purchase a chalkboard this size from Amazon or Etsy but all the ones I liked were around $50. "Necessity is the mother of invention," as the adage goes, and I'm thankful for my husband's skill at building and creating things I sure enjoy. 

Along with the excitement of our baby news, Ken and I get to celebrate Penny's 1st birthday in a couple weeks, which falls right before Ken's 30th birthday. Nov. 3rd marks 6 months of owning our loving pup, who came to live with us in May. She's quite the rascal and honestly loves food more than affection, I'm pretty sure. One of my favorite things I've noticed about Penny is how much she loves swimming! And fetching large sticks, which are in actuality trees. For Penny, the bigger the "toy" - stick, stuffed animal, or bouncy ball, the better. This summer was the perfect example of how energetic and lively she can be, particularly when friends came to visit us. In owning Penny, we've tried all different forms of obedience training and are still teaching her that jumping up at people or running after small children is not allowed. Her adolescent stage, while completely normal given her background (she's a rescue dog), is a good opportunity for us to practice setting healthy boundaries and in turn, either rewarding or correcting her behavior. It's our goal to get Penny ready for the addition of baby come Spring.

She is a good dog, and a great companion in-training.

     

As I reflect on the last few months, I'm blown away by how God has met me (and Ken) in our decision to step out in faith and move to Alaska. I have a feeling that no matter where we live in the coming years (Alaska, California or Hawaii), God will meet us as we live faithfully and pursue His Kingdom above all else. And while we are here, I'm blessed by God's constant hand upon us. I want to continue to set down roots here, building community and living purposefully. We are so blessed to now be starting a family after four years of marriage.

I turned 29 years old a couple weeks ago. I still remember how I met Ken on the small island of Maui at the age of 22, just a few days before my 23rd birthday. That seems like forever ago now. And yet I'm thankful that we waited to have kids and got to know each other, ourselves, and experience a fuller picture of God's plan for our marriage. Call me selfish, but I don't think I knew myself well enough a few years ago to have brought a child into this world. Praise God for the unique journey He's had me on and how in coming to this place, wrought with many challenges and triumphs, I feel better prepared to be a mom. I want to be a great mom, and that's my prayer. 

Thank you for joining me in this new journey of parenthood. 

Now, off to get a snack. I seem to be much hungrier these days... ;)

A Slice of Rhubarb Cake: Contemplations on Loss & Living Faithfully

Three bites worth.
That's the amount of crumbly oatmeal-flour cake, with its moist chunks of rhubarb hidden beneath the golden fluff, I have left on my dessert plate. All of a sudden a wave of remorse overtakes me; I wish that I had eaten my cake slower. I'll have to savor every last bite.

I feel that way right now, as I recall the day's events and ponder what the future will look like for myself, my husband and his family. One of Ken's grandmas is at the hospital and we are unsure as to when she'll be able to return to home, let alone her current state of health. It's a tough situation. Today, upon visiting grandma at the medical center, I felt mixed emotions as I walked through the brightly-lit corridor leading to her room. The hospital where she's staying is so peaceful and welcoming. Likewise, there are Bible verses and references scattered throughout the hallways and waiting areas. I remember being in a place like this one in the not-too-distant past. However, the hospital where I spent my time was not located in Alaska--it was back on Maui. And there were no Bible references to comfort me while waiting in the lobby. The smells of Maui's main health center were quite different than the well-ventilated, fresh scent of the hospital where I spent this morning.

It's crazy how experiences in our everyday can trigger memories from the past. Maybe this is something unique to me. I have always been commended on my ability to recall past events with prolific detail but I don't usually feel that my ability is such a gift. Today included moments like that. Moments when I was transported to a place and a time that felt incredibly real, in its emotion and experience.

All of a sudden, I am back in the Intensive Care Unit at the Maui Memorial Hospital, sitting beside my 74-year-old grandma, watching her body deteriorate--her lungs had collapsed after filling with fluid and she was literally being pumped with oxygen through a breathing machine. My right hand strokes her soft gray hair, as she rests peacefully in a half-propped position. She's in a coma right now and I'm not sure if she can hear me, but I start reading to her anyway. I have some Bible verses that I brought, along with a wealth of stories from my day at work. Grandma loved hearing my stories, I would think, as I now shared them without any type of acknowledgment on her part. I clasp her warm hand and hold it steadily as I whisper into her ear that I'll be back again soon. I love you, Grandma. 

And now I'm back. I realize that I'm not on the little island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean that I called home for so long. I'm actually in the rugged, mountain-strewn state of Alaska. I'm also not sitting with my grandma who is dying of emphysema. I'm with Ken's grandma, and she is awake and coherent, able to respond to my stories and recognize who I am. This is a different situation, although it brings up memories that I had tried to bury so deep.

It's hard watching loved ones suffer and experience pain. I wish that God didn't allow us to walk through such things and yet I believe that one day, perhaps in Heaven, it will all make sense. For now, I can only trust that He is good and place my hope in Him. I still miss my Grandma every day. The hardest part, I think for me, is not being able to talk to her. She had such a funny sense of humor--her Bronx, New York upbringing added to her candor. Quick-witted and extremely wise, Grandma provided a sense of stability in my life. When she died, it took so long for my grief to subside. I still carry with me the invisible wounds of having lost someone so dear.

My emotions are fresh, my pain laid bare before me. As I spent time with Ken's grandma today, I thought back to all the times I have been blessed to walk with people through seasons of suffering: as a Stephen Minister (lay counselor), a Memorial Service Coordinator, and also in just being available for people I've met along life's journey. It's so hard to watch people hurting, but I am thankful for the way it pushes me to see beyond this life, into the hope of what's to come.

So, here we are, now living in Alaska, and pressing into Christ for hope as we walk with family members through the aging process. I am confident that God has us here for a reason. In response to my constant questioning, I've heard Him whisper in my ear, "for such a time as this" (from the story of Esther). I want to be faithful to that calling. Six years ago, if I hadn't moved home to Maui following college, I would have missed the opportunity to walk my grandma from this life into the next. Instead, I answered God's prompt. I'm amazed at what God has brought my husband and me through these past few years of marriage, and I am confident that He will continue to meet our every need.

Switzerland: Where Narnia and Heaven Meet

“It is as hard to explain how this sunlit land was different from the old Narnia as it would be to tell you how the fruits of that country taste. Perhaps you will get some idea of it if you think like this. You may have been in a room in which there was a window that looked out on a lovely bay of the sea or a green valley that wound away among mountains. And in the wall of that room opposite to the window there may have been a looking-glass. And as you turned away from the window you suddenly caught sight of that sea or that valley, all over again, in the looking glass. And the sea in the mirror, or the valley in the mirror, were in one sense just the same as the real ones: yet at the same time they were somehow different - deeper, more wonderful, more like places in a story: in a story you have never heard but very much want to know. The difference between the old Narnia and the new Narnia was like that. The new one was a deeper country: every rock and flower and blade of grass looked as if it meant more.” C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle (The Chronicles of Narnia)

Chills creep down my arms as I read this excerpt from C.S. Lewis's final book in his series "The Chronicles of Narnia." I stumbled upon these words today as I read through some of my favorite passages, recalling Lewis's near-perfect analogy of what Heaven will be like. This vivid description spoke to me deeply as a child, during seasons of much hardship, lying awake in bed and bundled under the covers, wishing for a world unlike anything I had ever experienced. This passage still fills me with wondrous hope for what life beyond this one will be like. 

Looking out over the horizon at a vast expanse of mountain peaks towering 13,000 miles above sea level is impressive. It's also very humbling. In a reverent, marvelous sort of way. When I steady my gaze upon the the Swiss Alps, I feel like I'm breathing in something holy. I'm tasting a small morsel of Heaven, scraps off the table of eternal pleasures. It's ironic that today during our quiet time with the Lord, Ken and I read Psalm 16:11: "You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Being here in Switzerland, at a Bible Seminary perched on the hills of Beatenberg for more than 115 years, open wide to the surrounding snow-capped mountains and glistening lake below, feels like a dream. A vision of unfathomable beauty. Or rather, a glimpse of something that I know in my heart to be real. To be set just far enough, over the horizon, that I can hear the distant sounds of something spectacular--what C.S. Lewis describes as "deeper, more wonderful, more like places in a story: in a story you have never heard but very much want to know."

I already look forward to coming back to Switzerland. I can't adequately express how it feels to be here. But I love it. I love how God brought us here for a few short days, to recharge and refresh us, as we continue our tour of Europe. 

Here are some of my favorite photos of the landscape and our time here. Click on each photo to enlarge.

Segen für Sie. Blessings to you. 

A Chocolate Croissant & Overcoming Setbacks

I glance down at the chocolate splotches lining my fingertips. “You look so happy,” Ken said to me, a moment before, causing me to notice my hands and the empty white china plate in front of me. A warm, gooey, chocolate-filled croissant. I had just finished my first one ever, and it was amazing. Biting into the rich, chocolate cream encased in a flakey, buttery shell was like finding a piece of gold in a lush, verdant field—already beautiful and picturesque by its own right, but now even more wonderful of an experience. Analogies aside, this freshly-baked European pastry was, as the Italians say, “Perfecto!” As I ease back into reality, Ken smiles and continues, “You look really happy when you’re eating.”

I am happy when I’m eating, it’s true. I’ve always been that way. Food is a huge blessing and comfort to me. Perhaps more so than the average person because I know what it’s like to go without. To not have enough food. To be in want. Growing up on simpler means taught me the value of food—and especially good food—very quickly. Food is a gift. And good food is an elaborate present, enclosed in the finest paper, filled with bounty and best unwrapped by a grateful receiver.

Back to the croissant that had miraculously vanished from my plate. It was one of the best breads I’ve ever tasted. I’m thankful to be in the city of Florence, enjoying the many offerings of this pleasant city. Ken and I arrived here a couple days ago, after some big disappointments during our travels. I guess no story is really great without struggle. We experienced our first major difficulty in the form of a less than ideal hotel situation a couple days ago. I booked accommodations at a hillside inn that seemed lovely from the photos and reviews. However, when we got there, after disembarking from our cruise and then spending a few hours driving from Venice to Florence, I immediately felt uncomfortable. The room, sparse and muggy, felt closed in and hot, unusually so. I developed a headache, which turned into a sour stomach and a poor attitude quickly. The air conditioner was broken, the concierge told us, and no one would fix it until Monday (the day we checked out.) Then we realized that our room’s mini-fridge was broken, too. Warm drinking water in cramped, scorching quarters sounded awful. There was no ice to be found, either. My first time in this part of Italy, with the sun blaring down and a room temperature hovering around 80+ degrees felt just horrible. Again, Ken tried to convince the concierge that the room was not suitable. The lady refused to give us a refund although all her others rooms were booked. But our reservation promised air conditioning, we said. She was relentless. So, feeling nauseated and feverish, I asked Ken what are options were. Together, we made a hard decision—our first one that involved losing quite a bit of money.

We decided to go elsewhere.

From that point on, our situation improved immensely. We found a boutique inn just a few miles outside of the heart of Florence and 20 minutes closer to town than our previous hotel. It was a gamble picking our next place to stay, but I felt God’s peace about giving up our desire to save money and instead, placing health and wellness as top priorities in this instance. Our new hotel was impeccably clean, the staff friendly and welcoming, and the air conditioning worked great! There was even a pool, free breakfast and parking included in the cost. Still a bit disappointed from the nonrefundable costs of our previous booking, I started to pray that God would give me a heart of forgiveness and hope, amidst the sense of loss I felt. I believe He’s been doing that and now, two days later, I feel refreshed and encouraged by the restful nights we’ve had in such a comfortable setting! I can see now what a huge blessing it was to be closer to the city, and have incredible food provided each morning as a means of starting the day without having to look for food. We even grew close with our concierge, Asselli, a sincere and social guy in his 20s, who loves to travel and has spent in Britain and America. His English skills allowed us to overcome communication barriers. Asselli pointed out all the top spots for us to visit in Florence and kindly shared Italian customs and traditions with us, in hopes of increasing our understanding about why people do things in a certain way.

For instance, we learned that most Italians eat lunch at 12:30 p.m. or 1 p.m. each day. Dinner is at 7:30 p.m. or 8 p.m. Italians, he commented, are very rigid about when mealtimes take place. They refuse to eat or serve meals outside of those times, for the most part. Upon telling us this, he chuckled and pointed out that Italians are “very traditional.” But coffee, he said, can be enjoyed at any time. Asselli also educated us about how Italians don’t typically put ice in things. This topic came up when we asked where the ice machine was located. “Ice is bad for your stomach the Italians think,” he said.

We are learning so many things while abroad. Driving, in particular, is very different in Italy and Greece than what I’m familiar with. I’ve observed that locals drive much higher than the speed limit, don’t use their turn signals (or rarely use them, as if by accident), and prefer to drive in the middle of two lanes if they are unsure about which lane is moving faster. I’ve seen at least a dozen drivers do this in our two days of having our own car. It’s much like a circus when motorcycles and scooters are also involved. They can pass on either side and will do whatever it takes to get around slower-moving vehicles, even if it means putting themselves at risk.

But our experience with the food and culture here in Italy has been delightful, even with the near-death driving experiences and poor hospitality and service at our previous hotel. I’m thankful that our stories aren’t colored by only “good and seemingly perfect” situations. It’s in the trials, the discomfort and the disappointment where God is able to show us opportunities for growth, emotionally and spiritually. Ken and I are able to work through these things and grow stronger in our marriage. I truly feel blessed to be able to say that we are embracing the good, the bad, and the ugly, in hopes of finding real, meaningful life. Life that is sometimes tucked away and hidden in the darkness, forged by patience and forgiveness.

Well, it’s time to drive through Tuscany. The next couple days we are visiting the seaside town of Sorrento. I look forward to sharing more with you soon!

Behind the Scenes: Photos from Ken's Birthday!

Once-in-a-lifetime. That's the phrase that comes to mind as I recall Ken's birthday dinner. A couple weeks ago, we had the opportunity to dine at SkyCity Restaurant, high atop Seattle's Space Needle. If any of you have eaten there, you know what I mean. The view is breath-taking, the food was delicious, and we celebrated my incredible husband's 28th birthday--no small feet (in more ways than one.) I hope you enjoy these photos. If you get the chance, I highly recommend visiting the Space Needle at least once in your life.

Happy Birthday, Commodore!