“What you are going to someday be, you are now becoming” –
Jim McEachern
I keep mulling over those words this morning. It’s 8 a.m.
and I just got back from a light jog around the surrounding neighborhoods. The
cool, fresh morning breeze welcomed me outside and I could barely hear the drum
of passing cars as my feet hit the ground. That’s one of the blessings of
getting up early, I suppose, I get to “beat the traffic”.
As I ran up and down the residential streets near our
apartment, I kept thinking about these words: “What you are going to someday
be, you are now becoming.” Questions swiftly came to mind: “What does that
mean?” and “Is who I am now an indicator of the habits I’m forming for my
future?” I started to wonder about who I’ll be in 5, 10, 20 years. Will I still
be jogging around neighborhoods? Will I be a good wife and parent? Will I be a
loving, caring person who is open to correction and the power of humility? It’s
funny how this phrase instantly transformed into a riddle for me—I wanted to
“solve” the question and do it quickly, so I could push this particular phrase
out of my mind. I guess a lot of things are like that for me. Instinctually, I
want to set aside the discomfort of a difficult conversation and instead opt
for passivity. Naturally, I’m inclined to reach for a sugary, comfort food over
fresh, farm-grown vegetables. I think this is somehow related to the fact that
I’m human but I don’t want to allow my fallen nature to ignore the bits of
truth I come across daily. I don’t want to be subject to my appetites and
desires. I want to pursue something greater and do that starting now, not
later, not when it’s easy or convenient or perhaps, even makes the most sense.
I would like to be the person I’m going to be someday, at this very moment in
time.
Yesterday’s early morning workout was intense. But if I
hadn’t gone to boot camp, I would’ve never come across that quote by McEachern.
It was about 6:30 a.m. and after rounds of “Progressions”, as our classmate
calls them, we ran up the stairs at Roosevelt High School to the stone
courtyard overlooking the field. Between imaginary jump rope (the jump rope
broke) and air punches, I glanced over at the high school’s beautiful picture
windows. Through the clear glass panels, I could just barely make out the large
lettering, since the sun was coming up fast and affecting the glare. “What you
are to be someday, you are now becoming” it said in black san-serif typeface.
The message resonated with me immediately. “What?” I thought, as I tried to
pick up my pace for air punches per my classmate’s nudging. In the next minute,
I quickly switched from hitting the air with forceful punches back to the
imaginary jump rope exercise. I mumbled the phrase aloud to myself and then,
feeling self-conscious, spoke louder so that my teammates could hear what I was
saying. “Over on the wall it, uh, says a cool phrase,” I said and then repeated
the quote to them. My fellow boot campers agreed that the quote was “neat” but
I felt like the weight of it hit me the hardest. I shyly kept the remainder of
my thoughts to myself and focused on the workout.
The past five weeks have been a whirlwind for me. In
early July, one of my best friends visited from Canada. I hadn’t seen her for
almost 7 years. I’m amazed that despite the distance, we’ve kept in touch
through phone calls interspersed with handwritten or electronic mail. Our time
together was truly special, filled with adventures around the city—a baseball
game, hiking at the park, picnic lunches, homemade dinners, quality girl-time
and lots of freebies. (If I were to add up how many unexpected “free” things we
received that week, it would total about $275 or more.) God blessed us in
surprising and sometimes hilarious ways, creating opportunities for us to do
more than our limited means allowed. All that to say, in spending time with my
dear friend I realized how much God is at work in her life, doing incredible
things. I was encouraged by our deep conversations on faith and a future filled
with hope.
The topics we discussed continued to take root in my
thoughts the following week, as I started my boot camp class. I was nervous and
intimidated the first few days at class but kept going. Pain—I felt lots of
pain after each session, and in the days ahead, as my instructor challenged me
to do my own personal best and “push past my comfort zone”. Classes brimmed
with circuits, drills, sprints, and my very favorite—group games. I was amazed
at how games like “freeze tag” and simple relays transformed into intense
workouts, once pushups, jumping jacks and burpees were included. Each week I
completed felt like a huge victory. I hadn’t pushed myself in such strenuous
ways for years. The energy and excitement of working out on a team spired me on.
My instructor and classmates encouraged me to become stronger by not giving up,
especially when it was hardest. After my one month coupon for boot camp
expired, I decided to stay in the class and God met me in that desire. God has used
this class to cultivate rich confidence in me, regarding my own physical
strength and ability to overcome fear. I’m impressed by how He’s creating
opportunities for me to “push past my comfort zone” and step out in faith.
Faith. That word brings to mind so many different
pictures—snapshots of a childhood marred by fear and insecurity but also strewn
with incredible color, joy and beauty. A mixture of dark and light, despair and
hope. Faith has been an emotionally charged word that has taken on varying
meanings for me throughout my life. One constant remains throughout all my
definitions and that has been my hope in God’s goodness. I have never let go of
that hope, and that to me, is faith. Regarding that quote by McEachern, I
believe in faith, that I have the ability to start practicing and living out
the characteristics of a grace-filled woman, right now. I can choose the path
of forgiveness when the road to bitterness and rage seems hopelessly enticing.
I can be a wife who is generous, loving and patient. And a friend who asks
nothing in return when met with utter selfishness. I have the means to live
into the words that ‘who I am to someday be, I am now becoming.’ As I look
toward the future, I recognize that I am a creature of habit. Although I easily
lean toward unhealthy behaviors—in eating, exercise, and my attitude regarding
myself and others, the way I challenge those beliefs now is setting a precedent
for the future. I am not my past. I am part of a bigger picture, where God is “making
all things new.”
Hallelujah.
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